Mage Exchange
by sakura rakuen
Summary: I've posted Ch. 3! My take on a NarutoxHP crossover. Sasuke and Kabuto are sent to Hogwarts in order to master British jutsus for Orochimaru.
1. Chapter 1

Uchiha Sasuke whirled around to face whatever it was he sensed was hurdling towards him. While random kunai attacks had been common even in Konoha, here in Otogakure he had to contend with random assassination attempts. Something that Orochimaru had assured him would become less common as he grew stronger. Nonetheless, he reacted immediately and turned to find...an owl with its wing pinned to the wall. It hooted pitifully and held out its leg. Sasuke had already spotted the scroll attached, now he was debating on whether it was safe to open it.

The sharingan detected nothing wrong with it though, so he snatched it from the still-bleeding owl and scanned the characters. It was Orochimaru's handwriting.

_Sasuke-kun, you and Kabuto will be going on a mission for me. You have until 5:00 to pack everything you own and report to the East training room._

_Heal the owl._

Normally Sasuke could've accepted this. He and Kabuto were often paired together for extremely important missions due to their strength. (Privately, he though it was for Orochimaru's sadistic enjoyment.) And they were often told to pack everything, which wasn't an unreasonable demand seeing as how they hardly ever knew what they were going to be doing. But the fact that an _owl_, of all things, had been used to deliver the message....he decided he didn't want to know. It probably had something to do with Kabuto's experiments.

He calculated that it was about a quarter to five. Cursing under his breath, Sasuke left to seal all his possessions into scrolls, conveniently forgetting to even remove the kunai from the owl's wing.

* * *

"Ah, Sasuke-kun." Orochimaru drawled lazily. _You're twelve minutes late_ hung like a threat, unsaid but understood, and Sasuke glanced down in apology. Or as close as his pride would let him get to one.

"Sit down." the Sannin said, and Sasuke did.

"Now, as you know, while Japan is the leading country in jutsus; it is not the only one that has them. France and England have quite a reputation as well. Bearing that in mind, I have decided to study their arts a bit." he paused, looking almost nervous. "And that is why I will be sending you two to—"

"WHA—" snakes shot out of his teacher's sleeves before Sasuke could finish his sentence; effectively silencing him. He glared but did not struggle.

"To England's finest academy, Hogu-waurtsu. They are in the midst of a civil war, and their jutsus must be focused solely on that as a result. Both of you will be undercover as exchange students. This is the first time in millenia Japan has interacted with the rest of the continents, so they will be falling over themselves to make an impression. Likely they will bring out some of their native jutsus, so pay attention. I expect weekly reports. You will only be attending for one school year, so make the most of it. You leave immediately," he waved his hand and the snakes retreated, but the Uchiha prodigy remained silent. He and Kabuto rose and followed him, their packs almost nothing on their shoulders.

They traveled through a maze of corridors before stopping in front of Orochimaru's quarters. The snake sannin emerged from his room clutching a small case and what appeared to be a geisha's hair ornament.

"These are the full details of your mission," he indicated two envelopes in the case. "And this is your transportation," he brandished the lacquered black comb.

Sasuke finally exploded, eyes whirling into the sharingan as he spewed out everything he'd been holding back.

"I came to you to get stronger and you're shipping me off to a nursery oceans away with KABUTO, of all people, and to top it off you expect me to be an ACADEMY BRAT AGAIN just so you can learn some useless jutsus?!!" at this point he had a handful of shuriken out and was in a basic taijutsu stance.

"Mou, Sasuke-kun, always so quick to anger. Although I suppose it's an improvement from when you first arrived," Orochimaru mused. "You will continue your daily training, with Kabuto as your mentor. And—"

"Huh?"

Admittedly, Kabuto could have said many things at that moment, but fate struck him with the dumbest one. He hastily attempted to salvage his pride by elaborating. "B-but Orochimaru-sama, this child—"

"Could learn many things from you. These orders are final," their Lord's voice was on the brink of annoyance. There was a heavy pause.

"If you think I'm going on this mission, you're a fool," Sasuke hissed.

"And if you don't think you're going on this mission, Sasuke-_kun_," Orochimaru leaned eerily close. "I may just order an eye transplant. I am not in the mood to deal with a spoiled child. You _will_ be going, is that clear?" he gripped the Uchiha's shoulder painfully.

Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek as he struggled not to let his anger show. All Orochimaru really needed from him was his eyes; another body could be found without too much hassle. He bitterly swallowed a mouthful of blood and bowed his head.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama."

* * *

Exactly one hour later, Sasuke and Kabuto were wandering the streets of Diagon Alley. Orochimaru had somehow [illegally] produced a "pourto-ki", which had thrown them into a random alley somewhere in Britain. There, they proceeded to read over the details of their mission.

Apparently westerners performed their jutsus with a rod of wood, a "wand" if he was not mistaken. It was only years of reigning in his emotions that kept Sasuke from outright laughing at this.

The envelopes also contained their false papers, and oddly-shaped small brass keys. They were supposed to stop by a wizard's bank to get this country's form of currency, and then purchase school supplies. Two rooms had already been reserved at the Leaky Cauldron, and they were to meet a guide shortly. European wizards would not pass up an opportunity to impress their Japanese counterparts.

"Sauce-kay and...Kaboo-tow Oto?"

Here was one of the ugliest people Sasuke had ever seen in his life. The flabby-faced...the pink cardigan implied a woman, but the face screamed TOAD. The flabby-faced toad was smiling as only a psychopath who has just murdered a nun can smile.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to learn to respond better than that. A "yes, miss" or "no, miss" would be appropriate. I am Dolores Umbridge, Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic himself and your humble guide through—"

"They sent us a tragically deformed guide." Kabuto (surprisingly) spoke up. She looked at him with a hint of confusion but continued talking.

"Hn." Sasuke had been quiet since his first outburst, although Kabuto knew it was only a matter of time before he snapped again.

"Aside from that, I suppose Orochimaru forgot to mention that they speak another language here," he sighed. "I wonder how long it'll take her to catch on."

"Excuse me, but are you deaf? I clearly said _let's go_."

"I'm so sorry miss, but you see, we do not understand the language here," Kabuto fell into a practiced acting mode, and his apologetic tone made what he was saying clear enough to Umbridge. She smiled sweetly. A vein in the boy's neck tightened, hidden by his high collar.

"I suppose you war-focused barbarians don't have translation charms where you're from," she sniffed. "No matter." She withdrew a rather stumpy wand from her cloak and flicked it, conjuring two earpieces out of thin air. "There now, you put these...in...your...ears." she mimed the actions as if speaking to a pair of toddlers and not prodigies.

"_Be aware that westerners commonly summon things for non-combative purposes."_

That line in their briefing was the sole thing that had kept Sasuke and Kabuto from snapping the woman's neck when she'd fished out that stick. Instead, they politely accepted the earpieces. All of a sudden her gibberish made sense.

"Now, we are off to Gringotts. That's the bank here." she waddled off, still speaking like a schoolteacher would to a three-year old.

"Cheer up, Sasuke-kun." Kabuto attempted conversation.

"Don't call me that."

"Have you forgotten that your family name is Oto here?"

"Just...san is fine."

"As you wish, Sasuke-san. Have you given any though as to what you could learn here?"

"Nothing I couldn't learn from Orochimaru."

"This is why you are weak, Sasuke-_san_. You only see a one-way track to power. Did you know that they have a jutsu here that turns the hands to jelly? Faster than our poisons, and just as potent."

"Hn. We're here," the boy responded, following the toad woman into a white marble building. Inside, however, his head was swirling with what Kabuto had just said. Maybe he could learn something useful while he was here, after all.

* * *

**A/N:** So there you have it; chapter one. I've always wondered what exactly Sasuke did while in Sound, and I figured he'd have to go on missions just like everybody else. And because I love Kabuto, I just had to pair them up. (P.S. The "jutsu" Kabuto mentioned is the jelly-hands jinx, similar to the jelly-legs one.)


	2. Chapter 2

Orochimaru was strolling down the various corridors in his newest base, content with the way things had turned out. Suddenly he noticed a large number of his nin clustered around something he could not see. They were all facing the wall opposite Sasuke's room.

"I'm telling you, the Uchiha's going Jashinist..." one muttered.

"What is it?" he asked, and they all jumped. In unison. Had he been a lesser man, he would've found it funny. As it was, he merely waited for an answer.

"Th-that's what we were wondering, Orochimaru-sama," a girl of about sixteen spoke up. His minions parted before him as he approached.

"....Orochimaru-sama?"

There, no longer hooting for life but still pinned to the stone, was the poor owl he had chosen to deliver the mission to Sasuke. It looked oddly...religious; splayed out like that.

"...Orochimaru-sama, what—"

The halls rang with their master's laughter, and the sound nin decided retreat was the wisest course.

* * *

Somewhere far, far away; Kabuto was staring. Not that it was obvious. But he was still staring, and he couldn't help it. There were two...things dressed in ill-fitting clothes standing in front of the entrance to the bank. Two very wrinkled, surly-looking things. Two very interesting specimens, if the chakra concentrated around their fingertips was anything to go by. Remembering that westerners possessed most of their chakra in their hands, he concluded (by the creatures' lack of wands) that they worked directly with their hands but without seals, since their gnarled fingers couldn't replicate them. Medics, then? No, more likely craftsmen of some sort. Weapons, perhaps? But it made no sense for them to be at a bank...unless they made the currency.

He was proven right as the double doors opened and rows of identical...things were revealed to be sitting behind every counter. Some were carting around gold or jewels, other hauling stacks of paperwork. The acrid scent of metal hung in the air, along with the damp, musty smell that was earth. Underground tunnels were somewhere near, then.

By the time Umbridge had reached an available "gao-bulin", Kabuto had deduced this much from his surroundings, and was sure Sasuke had as well.

"Key?" came the goblin's irritated voice, as if this was not the first time he had asked them that. Kabuto smiled benignly, holding out the small brass object. To his left, Sasuke imitated the gesture.

"Very well, it's all in order. Bardsmith!"

A somewhat younger-looking goblin stuffed them into crude metal boxes that proceeded to hurl themselves down a set of rickety tracks. The pace was irritating but convenient, as the two shinobi managed to glimpse what seemed to be a large winged lizard guarding one vault, and even witnessed a man get sucked into a door just by touching it.

After each hastily filling a cloth pouch with gold, they traveled back in relative silence, their guide's chatter mercifully halted by the cart ride.

* * *

"Now, I wasn't told what year you two would be in." Umbridge made the comment casually, but the two knew enough about interrogation to pick up her commanding undertones.

"Sasuke will be in third year, and I in fifth." was Kabuto's concise reply. They were conveniently placed so as to pick up as much of the advanced jutsus as possible.

"How nice. Although he does seem a bit short for thirteen...well, you easterners always did have problems in the height department."

There was the pregnant pause that only comes after a hypocritical statement.

"First things first, you'll need more civilized clothes. You two do realize this isn't the military?"

"I thought you people were in a civil war," Sasuke muttered, as they were led into a tidy but cramped shop. A breathless woman dressed in pale yellow robes greeted them, announcing herself as Madame Malkin. She then proceeded to plop the Uchiha on a stool and measure him in several disturbing ways. Seeing (or rather, sensing) the disgruntled look he was sending her, she smiled and began babbling about how he would absolutely _love_ her latest style, which had the collar cut in such-and-such way, and how _striking_ he would look in the black uniform...

She then pulled him down and did the same with Kabuto.

"You can pick up your robes tomorrow at ten o' clock," she announced cheerfully. "Will you be needing dress robes?"

After a brief deliberation (consisting of raised eyebrows and brief eye contact), they politely refused.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, with the two shinobi absorbing every relevant fact they could while tuning out their obviously racist guide. Finally, she dropped them of at the door of the Leaky Cauldron and waddled away, muttering to herself (unaware of her charges' insanely exceptional hearing) about mute gits who had no respect for authority.

* * *

"I suppose you two are the foreigners everyone's been talking about?" a bald, bronze-colored man peered down at them politely, gold earring glinting in the lamplight.

"Yes, I am Kabuto Oto and this is my younger cousin, Sasuke."

* * *

Kingsley quickly assessed the two men...boys, in front of him. One had bright gray hair and wore glasses; he seemed a little on the nerdy side but nice and (more importantly) harmless. The shorter of the two, however, had a brooding Slytherin-type aura about him and could cause trouble. Though he doubted the boy could be a real threat, seeing as how his wand was carelessly stuffed in one of the numerous bags at his side. Most serious wizards kept their wand with them at all times. It wasn't a good idea to be caught unarmed nowadays.

"I am Kingsley Shackbolt. I'll be your guard while you stay here," he could've sworn the younger boy had snorted at those words, though he had not uttered a sound or even blinked.

"Mr. Shackbolt," the silver-haired one seemed hesitant for some reason. "May I inquire as to why we need a guard?"

Shit. So these two hadn't been briefed on the mass murderer currently running loose. Honestly, he knew the ministry was trying to keep up appearances, but keeping their guests in the dark about matters like this could seriously put them at risk.

"Death Eater Sirius Black has recently escaped Azkaban. The ministry is working on his capture, but until then I will be with you during your stay. Black was You-Know-Who's right hand man, so he is prejudiced against foreigners as well as muggles," he reported matter-of-factly. No point in trying to sugar-coat the situation.

"I see. Well, thank you for such hospitality, Mr. Shackbolt. Where exactly do we sign in?" the boy took the news shockingly well.

Kingsley led them to the front and escorted them to their rooms afterwards. He then left them to unpack with word that dinner would be in half an hour.

* * *

Orochimaru's second-in-command walked leisurely into his room, carefully shut the door, and proceeded to crush the doorknob in his fist. He was angry. Most of the words Kingsley had uttered had gone over his head, even with that translation charm. There was too much they did not know about this place, and he planned to fix that soon. But for now, being ignorant merely irritated him. He was not used to not knowing.

He had no clue what a muggle or a Death Eater was. Azkaban was most likely a prison, but he couldn't be sure. Most of all, he did _not_ know who, and he appreciated that least of all.

Perhaps he would conduct his own research later tonight. But for now, he merely dropped his pack on the bed and placed a few more security measures on it. Then he began stowing away the day's (rather odd) purchases. He had a habit of doing so in alphabetical order. Astronomy scales, books, cauldron...

He finally fished out the wand Orochimaru-sama had included in their envelopes. It wasn't really a wand, just a twig they had snapped off a tree near the base and filed down. Ninjas could not actually use wands, just like wizards could not use hand seals. That sole distinction was what made the mission so difficult; the reason Orochimaru had sent his protégée and his right-hand nin instead of more disposable recruits. They had to learn the wand-based jutsus and "translate" them, so to speak. This would require intense study of magical theory and plenty of experimentation. It would be up to Sasuke to memorize the western jutsus, and Kabuto would find a way to make them into hand seals.

Speaking of Sasuke...

"Are you done yet? If we keep the guard waiting for too long, he'll get nervous and come to investigate."

"I believe that's the longest sentence you've uttered today."

"Hn."

"All right, I'm going," Kabuto tucked his 'wand' into his pocket and adjusted his glasses.

* * *

Kingsley was just beginning to wonder if he should check on his charges when they came downstairs, instantly spotting him and ambling over. He frowned minutely. Sure, he was tall, but most people wouldn't have been able to spot him so easily in the crowded bar. Yet these two had picked him out without a second's hesitation, almost as if they were experts at tracking. Then again, maybe he was reading too much into this. He forced himself to relax as Kabuto sat down to his left, and Sasuke across from him.

"The ministry wanted to make sure you guys felt at home, so we have some of your dishes for dinner," he explained cordially, as Tom made his was to their table with a large platter. He fought not to make a face as he realized the shrimp in the bowl to the left were still alive.

"Itadakimasu," Kabuto and Sasuke chorused. Kingsley imitated their words as best he could, secretly vowing to conjure up a translation piece later on, regulations be damned.

There was silence as the three men ate. It turned out that live shrimp were a delicacy and not a blunder on behalf of the chef, as Kabuto explained when he caught his guard staring at him in horror after he dipped the squirming animal into the provided sauce and chewed.

By the time the plates were cleared away, most patrons had either left or retired for the night. There was a smattering of wizards smoking near the front, but otherwise the place was empty.

"Now, to business," Kingsley withdrew a bundle of parchment scrolls. He unrolled one. It was a map of Diagon Alley, albeit a bit crude. It had been hastily scribbled in too-watery ink, and the buildings were but misshapen squares, with the names barely legible.

"You'll have to excuse Arthur's attempt at art, but he knows the place better than most aurors. I should think so too, those twins had to learn from someone," he chuckled.

"Now, you'll be ensured security if you stick _here_," he emphasized a round of buildings. "But Knockturn Alley's off-limits. It has spells from the old days on most of its shops that will leave the people within them impossible to trace. So, for your safety, we have to ask that you remain in the more open alleys. Is that clear?"

"Of course," Kabuto answered airily. "Sasuke and I will be picking up our robes and buying the final items for school tomorrow, will you be joining us?"

Kingsley grinned at how the kid had made his duty sound like an invitation for a shopping spree, and nodded.

"Alright then, we'll see you at...around nine. G'night." he bowed as he left, the black-haired boy reluctantly following.

* * *

The two foreign 'wizards' walked in silence, then—

"When are you going to train me?"

"Impatient as always, Sasuke-san. But we can start now, if you'd like."

* * *

A mere twenty minutes later, Sasuke emerged from Kabuto's room, nursing a severely burned hand and two gashes across his back. And they'd only begun studying the theory. He quickened his pace as his vision began to darken, and it was only through perfect aim that he managed to leap onto the bed before he passed out.

* * *

He awoke to the smell of burning meat and the sight of Kabuto standing over him. Never a good combination. Instantly, he leaped back and began a series of seals. He hissed as the charred tissue of his hand chaffed in protest. Glancing down, he saw that it was half-healed already, the new skin was raw and pink.

"I had hoped to finish before you woke up." the medic grabbed his wrist and continued the healing process. "It's nearly nine. I didn't realize you had such little stamina."

"What have you found out about this place?" Sasuke switched topics, feeling the blood rush to his face.

"The mirrors have voices, and can observe what goes on in a room," he answered. "Oh, don't worry, I moved yours out of range. And they can't hear anything," he elaborated.

"I thought we were guests here, not prisoners."

"We are; most wizards use those mirrors to get comments on their appearance, not to spy."

"Hn."

"Vanity is not something _you_ should accuse others of," Kabuto teased, remembering how he had been forced to carve the Uchiha fan on Sasuke's door upon the boy's arrival at Otogakure.

The two nin were spared the beginning of a battle that would no doubt ruin their cover by Tom, the morbidly aged landlord, who poked his head in to ask if there had been any trouble.

"My newest cook just burnt the bacon, you see. Hope the smell hasn't bothered you."

"Have we missed breakfast?" Sasuke asked, stiffening slightly when the man took the question as a clever joke and laughed.

"You're just in time, Maggie's probably whipped up a second batch by now," he answered, stifling another chortle.

"Hn."

* * *

Kingsley was starting to see a pattern. He would arrive, he would wait, he would worry, and just when he was about to stand up and hunt down his charges, they would come in.

"Good morning. We're sorry to have kept you waiting," four-eyes said. He probably shouldn't have been calling him that, but it was only inside his head, and its not as if the kid knew legimency. Besides, he was pissed. Harry Potter had run away from home last night, causing a minor uproar. Hopefully the minister had him; he'd been too busy to actually make sure.

"Well, today you'll get to try a traditional English breakfast. Then you can get the rest of your things. Do you have any places you specifically want to visit?"

"Yes. I as wondering if there were any other bookstores in the area aside from the school one."

"_Shocking."_ He pushed away the cynical voice in his head.

"Hmm...I think there's a place by Magical Menagerie, though I doubt it has much. For specialty stuff, the best place is Tottles and Scroom. It's in Hogsmeade. Both of you will be allowed to visit there as long as your parents sign the form."

Sasuke stiffened visibly. But Kingsley didn't dwell on it, particularly because Tom was heading their way with trays piled high with bacon and eggs, sausages, kippers, and toast. He set the trays down and flicked his wand. A pitcher of pumpkin juice and a jug of coffee zoomed onto their table. Oh how he had missed his native food...those shrimp had not gone down well last night.

* * *

There was a brief quiet as the two nin analyzed the...food? in front of them. It was dripping with oils and the bread was burnt beyond recognition. They had each been forced to eat questionable things during particularly long missions, but never anything like this.

They caught each other's eye, and suddenly it became a contest of who would try the food first. Sasuke, cursing his pride, picked up the toast and inspected it from all angles. He took a bite. It tasted like ashes to him, but he chewed like a dutiful soldier and managed to even choke down another mouthful. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kabuto wield a miniature trident just like he would a scalpel and spear an oblong piece of meat with it. He inspected it carefully, as he would any specimen.

Upon being reminded of Kabuto's lab work, Sasuke pushed his plate away. Kingsley was grinning wryly while munching on a bit of bacon.

* * *

Madame Malkin was considerably less cordial than before. She handed them their robes with her lips pursed and her hands shaking. She was obviously worried about something. Kingsley noticed as well, and lowered his voice to talk to her as she wrapped up a velvet dress robe that was to be delivered to the Crouch's.

"What is it?" he muttered.

"Oh, Shackbolt, its terrible. Harry Potter ran away yesterday night and I haven't gotten any news...but I'm worried, with Black on the loose..." she trembled and busied herself with the folds of the wrapping.

"Calm yourself Malkin, I hear the minister got him. You might see him in your shop in a few days' time." She smiled tiredly, but the lines around her face softened.

Knowing he couldn't hold the conversation too long without his charges becoming suspicious, he turned away, telling her in normal tones to make sure to say hello to her sister for him.

Of course, the shinobi had heard everything.

* * *

Kingsley was right about the bookstore being rather limited, but they gleaned a few good finds._ A History of the Wand, Wizengamot's Undecided, _and_ Fundamental Magical Theories_ among them. Kabuto also bought a temporary subscription to the _Daily Prophet_.

They had finished everything of importance, and it was only just noon.

"Erm...would you two perhaps want a pet?"

Kabuto smiled and adjusted his glasses, the light making them shine and giving him a look reminiscent of a mad scientist. Kingsley blinked and it was gone, the boy looked as innocent and eager as before.

"What species would be allowed at school?"

"Traditionally, only cats, owls, and toads."

"Then no, thank you." he deflated slightly.

Five minutes later, they were back at the inn. Assuring their guard that they wanted to write a few letters home was a good enough excuse for the man to leave them to their own devices. He actually looked relieved, and scampered off after reminding them to be down in time for lunch and to "look smart about it", as a foreign relations representative was joining them.

"This exchange program is a big deal, so they sent down a reporter," Kingsley seemed to debate over whether he should continue, and in the end he did. "Just a warning—be careful of what you say to Rita Skeeter."

* * *

At the same time, Orochimaru received an owl at the false residence he had assumed in England. It bore the Ministry Crest, and was ornately stark in the way all formal invitations are.

He read the letter, feeling his smirk widen with every word. These wizards were making this too easy! He quickly sent the owl off with his reply, watching his summon droop in disappointment at the thought of a lost meal.

* * *

A/N: Kinda boring, I know...but I gotta build up the plot. And I'm sorry for dragging my feet with this update, but AP exams were kinda eating up all my time.


	3. Chapter 3

"Albus, it's not everyday that I question your decisions...but are you sure that it is wise to allow to foreign students into Hogwarts?"

Minerva McGonagall sipped her tea with what appeared to be composure and civility, but the thinning of her lips showed otherwise.

"Minerva, this is the first time in recorded history that Japan has made an effort to reach out to other nations—"

"Exactly. Why now? Why us? China would have been more convenient, even America would have been acceptable. Albus," her voice dropped in urgency, "Do you remember the attack on Beauxbatons during the Second Great Muggle War? They only sent a dozen men, and nearly razed it to the ground."

"I remember perfectly, as I was among the relief efforts," Dumbledore spoke gravely. She started but did not answer. "I understand your suspicions, Minerva, but you must understand that there was absolutely no way we could refuse."

"Is the ministry behind this decision, then?" she set her cup down, nostrils flaring.

"Naturally, but the odd thing is, the Japanese minister didn't want to send any diplomats. It was initially just two students, but Cornelius has requested some kind of guardian. Nonetheless...." he trailed off, and suddenly she was aware of just how old this man was, and how tired.

"I suppose we'll just have to keep an eye on things from now on," she said primly, flicking her wand and vanishing the tea set. "So shall I inform the rest of the staff?"

"Yes. But only that we will be hosting two new students."

"Don't you want them to be on the lookout for—"

"For two teenagers?" he was suddenly mirthful. "What reason could I give them to be wary around two foreigners, not even of age, who don't even know our language?" she didn't answer.

"Now, would you perhaps take another biscuit?"

* * *

"Take a break," Kabuto said dismissively to the boy struggling to his feet. He threw a brown-colored lump at him, and Sasuke dodged on reflex.

"What the hell is this?" Sasuke examined the soft bundle. It was obviously clothes, but he wondered what they were for. If Orochimaru though he was ever going to wear that ridiculous purple obi—

"We will be obeying wizard customs from now on. That means their dress as well. I ordered these while you were trying to fight off my genjutsu, as you only have your school uniform."

Ignoring the jab, Sasuke unwrapped the paper to find a set of robes, in various shades of blue and green. There were matching pointy hats as well. Suddenly, the purple obi didn't seem so bad.

"I think you've rested long enough," Kabuto's voice cut into his thoughts, and he had just enough time to move so that the medic's scalpel wouldn't hit any vital areas.

* * *

When Sasuke was bleeding enough that he couldn't even stop his own fall—he had to settle for shifting in midair so he'd land on his side instead of his face—Kabuto declared their session over and began to heal the boy.

"You have exactly twelve minutes until we're expected downstairs," he announced as casually as if he'd just reported the weekly changes in his experiments. The Uchiha grunted in response and left, moving gingerly but trying to hide it. Kabuto had left the bruise on his back untreated with instructions to heal it himself before their next session.

Ten minutes later, he stood warily in front of the talking mirror, hair still slightly damp and staring at himself in disbelief. He had burned the hats with a miniature katon jutsu (his chakra control was improving), but that was as much of an adjustment as he was allowed to make. The robes conveniently hid his various weapon pouches, but were still too heavy for his liking. His legs in particular were restricted, it was impossible to kick much higher than at shin level and his speed was cut nearly in half.

"Turn that frown upside down!" the mirror chirruped, startling him. He stumbled and fell comically backwards, but managed to turn it into a sort of roll, landing in a crouch. His hand nearly went for a kunai, but he remembered himself and instead (gracefully!) bolted out of the room.

* * *

Kabuto was faring slightly better. He had donned dark maroon robes, forgone the hat, successfully avoided his mirror, and proceeded downstairs. Kingsley was sitting across from a plump man with a lime-green hat as round as he was, a curly-haired blonde woman decked out in magenta from head to toe, and a spindly-looking man with a shiny black mustache.

He approached their table and bowed politely, taking the seat across from the blonde.

* * *

Sasuke was torn between fury and humiliation. Sure, there'd been people who'd called him a cold, heartless bastard, but no one had ever outright told him to smile like that. He was pulled out of his musings of what the sharingan could do to that mirror when Kabuto signaled him over to a table where their guard and three strangers were looking at him curiously.

"Sasuke-kun, we thought you'd drowned in the shower," the medic joked. Honestly, the man was the poster child for hypocrites. One minute he was severing your tendons, the next he acted like they were best friends. (Although if he thought about it, killing Kabuto to gain the Mangekyo would be a win-win.)

"Ahem, since the two of you are here," the corpulent man was the first to speak. "I am Minister Cornelius Fudge. This is Rita Skeeter, she's covering this story for the Daily Prophet, and this is Joel Davies, head of Eastern Relations."

"Kabuto Oto."

"Sasuke Oto."

There was a brief pause. The wizards seemed to be waiting for someone.

"Excuse me," Davies said politely, "But don't you have a representative as well?"

Kabuto had an excuse ready in half a second and had opened his mouth to explain when he felt a familiar chakra signal nearby. Sasuke's hands curled into fists under the table, indicating he'd noticed as well. "Yes, but it may be possible that he's running late due to time differences," he lied smoothly. "He should be here soon."

A few minutes passed in silence, and Rita Skeeter had just unclasped her scaly handbag when a tall black-haired man wearing steely blue robes entered the pub and ambled easily over to their table.

"Darou Shui, Japanese Minister of Magic," he announced to their stunned faces. The wizards nearly fell over each other during introductions, throwing around phrases like "_what_ an honor" (blondie) and "such a pleasant surprise" (Fudge).

Somehow, neither Oto-nin were surprised that Orochimaru knew English.

* * *

Seconds later, Tom, who had apparently been waiting the arrival of the last guest, brought them platters heaped with all sorts of British dishes, although there was a jug of green tea and a few plates of sushi.

The meal passed without much conversation; Orochimaru didn't even bother to make a veiled remark to his subordinates. When the trays had been cleared away, Fudge retrieved his wand and conjured up several stacks of parchment.

"Now, the agreement is that these two," he indicated Sasuke and Kabuto "will attend Hogwarts for a year, 'during which they will study British magics and customs while simultaneously establishing bonds that may someday be reciprocated'," he finished hopefully.

"Yes," Orochimaru—or rather, Darou, answered.

"Wonderful. And by participating in this exchange program, the Japanese Ministry hereby agrees to these terms," Fudge pushed a foot-thick contract forward.

"There are quite a lot of requirements," Darou said casually, observing how the wizards suddenly tensed.

"Yes, well," Davies cleared his throat "Japan has never expressed an interest in much more than the basic treaties, and since an exchange program _normally_ would require some of our students attending your academy..." he could've sworn the man was mocking him with those bright hazel eyes. But instead he nodded as if in acceptance.

"Understandable."

Fudge looked incredibly relieved and pushed a quill into Maru's hands. After he was done signing, the quill was passed to Kabuto and then Sasuke. They signed it without hesitation; there was no Japanese Ministry, and anyway they weren't even using their real names.

"Well then, now that that's settled," Rita Skeeter spoke up for the first time all day. "I was hoping to get an interview."

"Naturally, Rita my dear. Minister, you know better than anyone how many meetings you have to attend daily in my position, so I hope you'll excuse me," Fudge smiled innocently, as if he wasn't throwing them to the proverbial wolves.

"Kingsley, perhaps you would like to aid me in revising the new Korean Treaty?" Davies asked, and the man in question nodded gratefully. They all but sprinted out of there.

* * *

Rita was sucking on an acid green quill that clashed horribly with her robes. She clapped her thick hands and poised it atop a notebook.

"Testing...Rita Skeeter, doing an interview with Japan's Minister and two exchange students."

The quill danced across the parchment hurriedly, writing in matching green ink.

_Finally snapping out of the Dark Ages, Japan has finalized negotiations with the British Ministry and will be sending two of its finest abroad to Hogwarts for the new school year._

"Lovely. So, Mr..."

"Darou Shui."

"Darou-chan, why don't you tell us a bit about what prompted this decision?"

Orochimaru grimaced inwardly. This woman clearly didn't understand the concept of honorifics. But he'd be damned if he allowed such a small annoyance to jeopardize this mission.

"Well, we were considering sending our students to China, but as this is the first exchange program in the history of our country, we thought it better if we went with broader horizons."

"Uh-huh," Rita was observing the words her quill had just written, and [not so] subtly hid her notepad from view.

"Now, Kabuto," no honorifics were better than the wrong ones. "What was school in Japan like and how do you think this year will differ?"

"Our Academy focuses more inward instead of on a global level, so we haven't learned much about History or Magical Creatures outside of those concerning Japan."

And so on. She would ask the basic questions, the nin would provide bland, harmless answers, and the cycle would repeat itself. Half an hour later, the blonde witch excused herself, promising to send them a copy of the story, and assuring them it would be "absolutely smashing on the front cover."

* * *

"I know that face," Kabuto said, reverting back to Japanese. "Who'd it belong to?"

"One of the survivors from an excursion to Kumogakure. The one who tried to poison you," Orochimaru answered, almost nostalgic. "What is your status?" he changed topics abruptly.

"No displays of combat magic yet; just cleaning or summoning so far," Sasuke sulked.

"Theory books won't be available to us until we get to school. Incidentally, there's some kind of convict on the loose so we're being guarded," Kabuto elaborated.

"I'm well aware. Prison guards will be stationed around the school, you'll need to use a transportation jutsu to sneak out. I'll send a summon by every week to collect your reports. Now," he stood up, palms flat on the table. A tiny black beetle crawled across the woodwork. "I should be going. The wizards wanted a representative to work with them at the ministry, and I couldn't pass up the chance to observe their government."

Only when his chakra signal disappeared did the other two nin stand up. Strangely, Kingsley was nowhere in sight.

"Some guard he is," muttered the Uchiha.

"I say we take advantage of the opportunity. Henge just in case we're seen."

* * *

Five minutes later, the pair was loitering below a street sign reading _Knockturn Alley_. Kabuto was now a gruff-looking bald wizard with a heavy limp, and Sasuke was posing as his son, the only changes he'd made were to give himself more western features and shorter hair.

Their eyes quickly adjusted to the shadows, and they were able to see the store displays properly. Both were temporarily speechless.

"So this is where you get supplies for your lab."

"Be quiet boy," Kabuto's new voice was grating and held none of his usual calm. "Split up; change your appearance after every purchase, and don't let anyone follow you."

"Hn." _I know._

* * *

Immediately upon entering a place called Borgin and Burkes, Kabuto was greeted by a greasy-looking man with an air of contempt about him.

"I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of seeing you in my shop, Mr...?" the man was polite but obviously suspicious of who his customers were.

"My name is not important." Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. The man flared up in indignation, pulling out his wand as he straightened.

"Only if it is not worth mentioning. And if that is the case, I doubt you are worth serving," the man gestured to the door, opening it with a swish of his wand. Kabuto sighed inwardly and left, deciding to come back after nightfall if he was ever going to search that shop properly.

Instead, he made his was to a poisons (or "potions", it was the same to him) vendor, who luckily made no inquiries about his identity.

* * *

"What the.." Sasuke was looking at a toad. Perched atop an egg. Maybe it was a summon used to guard...? He turned quizzically to the sharp-featured woman who ran the place.

"Basilisk egg, dung'ead. Y'know, King of Serpents?" she rolled her yellow-rimmed eyes at him.

"How much?" he asked. That startled her.

"Ya sure you can raise it? They're supposed to turn on their masters."

"How. Much?"

"Mordred, I'd pay ya to jus' take it off my hands. Ain't no wizards these days that can speak parseltongue; an' if ya don't speak snake, ain't no point in ownin' one. Won't listen to ya."

"So it's free?" he couldn't believe this.

"Aye, but if the Department fer Regulation an' Control of Magical Critters shows up, ya didn't get it from me, we clear?"

He nodded, cradling the egg and frowning at the toad.

"Does it have to stay after the egg hatches?"

The witch laughed, a wet coughing sound that made her normally coarse voice high-pitched. "Nah, won't live that long."

"Very well." he made to leave, but she intercepted him.

"Here," she thrust a nondescript wicker cage at him. "Dunno who ya' think y'are, if yer thinkin' of going out with that thing in broad daylight."

"I'll be fine," he planned on sealing the thing into a scroll, but as he didn't want to make her more suspicious than she already was, he took the cage.

Changing into a girl of about sixteen with wavy red hair, he made his way into the next shop; Tower of Gualandi. Immediately upon opening the door, a silvery-blonde haired wizard and his minature whirled to face him. Their eyes narrowed in unison.

"_Weasley?!"_

* * *

**A/N:** Just to clear stuff up: The '2nd Great Muggle War" Minerva mentions is WWII. Mordred was a traitor of the Round Table; for some reason I can't see Dark Wizards saying 'Merlin!', as he was a good guy. And I named that last shop after the infamous tower where Count Ugolino was imprisoned and allegedly ate his sons/grandsons to survive. So...reviews? Or if you can't do that, at least don't flame?


End file.
